Granny

I cannot write this blog today without fighting tears. Tears of sadness and tears of anger. My grandmother, Sara Moseley, passed away Monday, December 19, 2011. Though this deeply saddens me, I am finding comfort in knowing that she is in a better place. She has been reunited with my grandfather and as my daughter, Blair, told me she's playing with Phillip, my son, too.

I have so many fond memories of Granny. As a child, I looked forward to going to the lake cabin with her and Paw Paw. There were so many trips with her to the beauty shop on Fridays, where we would drink Coke from a glass bottle with peanuts in it and watch Family Feud on the television as she sat under the dryer with curlers in her hair. Shopping trips that always began or ended with lunch. Hearing her knock on the back door of our house. We got our ears pierced together, she supported me and my love for ballet, and she listened and comforted me during my divorce. She came to Sweet Briar College one spring and forever told me how beautiful the campus was and how special that year was because she got to see Spring's blossoms three times (Alabama, North Carolina, and Virginia). I took her to my ultrasound when I found out that I was having a boy (Layne)- she was like a child in that room, so in awe of the technology and so excited to be there to see him squirming around inside of me. She told me he would have red hair, and he did. We had tea parties together, painted each other's nails, and there was always a freezer full of ice cream. I slept in the bedroom just off the kitchen and woke to incredible smells of biscuits, sausage and tomato gravy, and eggs- the woman could cook. I watched her take care of my grandfather, how she loved him, how she loved us all. I looked forward to summers when my cousins, Mandy and Brook, would come to stay with her, knowing that we would all end up at Granny and Paw Paw's house, having fun and wearing matching outfits. I loved looking through all of her pictures, hearing stories of her childhood, her family, how she met Paw Paw, and about Sylacauga (where she grew up). I laugh thinking about my mom, Granny, and I rolling out pecan sandies and sausage balls in preparation for Christmas and Paw Paw hovering around the kitchen waiting for "samples". These memories (and so many more) are what I share with my children as we go through pictures and talk about my childhood. Granny's house was special, my time with her is something that I will always cherish, and the lessons she taught me are priceless. No one loves you like a grandmother. I loved Granny and it was painful to see her slowly forget who I was when I visited or called. Our memories became just my memories.

Granny's burial arrangements have been up in the air but were finalized yesterday. This was due to my uncle being in Afghanistan and getting his travel arrangements worked out. Her death, coupled with the holidays, makes this loss difficult. A simple request was made to have her funeral immediately following Christmas, allowing families time to celebrate together. Granny knew the importance of families being together during holidays, especially Christmas. I received a phone call last night that her funeral will be held on Christmas Eve. Sadly, I will not be able to attend my grandmother's funeral - nor will my children, husband, brother, father, mother, or sister in law. I also have a cousin that will not be in attendance. A simple request was made and ignored and it enrages me. I had to make a difficult decision last night, make the trip to Alabama to pay my final respects to my grandmother and miss Kennedy's first Christmas, my time with Layne and Blair (I take them to their father's at noon on Christmas Day for the week), and my entire family's first Christmas together in close seven years (my brother and sister in law are finally home and my other grandmother is here to visit)? I am angry that I was placed in this situation that I have to choose. I cannot recreate my grandmother's funeral at a later date nor can I recreate Christmas with my family. I am angry because I know that this is something that Granny would not have wanted. I am unbelievably appalled at the selfishness that I have witnessed by family members over the past years and especially within the last week. I am beginning to believe that these individuals have such little value for relationships, the proof being in how they have treated their siblings, their own children, and their nieces and nephews. I will never understand what motivates them to act the way that they have and will continue to do, I just pray that one day they realize the irreparable hurt they have caused to so many people. I seriously doubt that will ever happen. So my decision, is to remain in North Carolina with my family and mourn the loss of my grandmother from miles away. I pray that my uncle has a safe trip and that he does make it back for the funeral. I wish that I could have been there to see him, to see cousins that I have not seen in years, to remember my grandmother collectively and share memories with others, but those are wishes that will never be fulfilled.

So, today I cry for the loss of a very special woman and out of anger and frustration with a situation that could have been avoided.