Divorce: the ongoing saga

I was married to a toad before I found my prince, but from that toad, I have two incredible children. That just goes to prove that there can always be something positive that springs from a negative situation. I will not go into the ugliness of my first marriage. We both made mistakes, something that I will freely admit to, and in the end it was better for us to part ways.

I left my first marriage when my son was three years old and my daughter just a year old. It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make. The guilt that I felt (and I still get twinges today) for breaking up a family, for taking two children away from a two parent household and uprooting their lives and for the scars that this divorce would leave on them, was almost unbearable. I had to remind myself constantly that I was doing this for them, to give them a better life and to give them a chance to grow up in a better environment. It still did not take all of the sting out of it. My children did not cry because they missed their father, they cried because they missed their dog, their fish, and their toys (the treasures that they cherished). 

The day I left, I packed three suitcases of clothes and grabbed a few toys and their blankets. I honestly thought that he would let me come back to the house to live since I had the children, but instead he remained and I moved in with my parents. Bless their hearts. They went from a house of quiet to a house of chaos in under twenty-four hours. We lived with my parents for a good two years and those are two years that I hold dear to my heart. They were the stability that I needed and that my children desperately needed. They were an extra set of arms to hold all three of us, encouraging words to help us, and a constant reassurance that we were safe and going to be just fine. I would not have been able to go through my divorce alone and I will be forever thankful that my parents were by my side (as they continue to be). 

The sad thing about a divorce that involves children, is that it is never truly over for anyone involved. There is truly no escape and just when you think you are getting a break, a parenting agreement needs to be modified, child support needs to be modified.... it just goes on and on. So, I sit here today wondering when or if it will ever be over but I am also counting my blessings. I have been blessed with wonderful children, a wonderful and supportive family, and amazing friends. My incredible husband is there for me when I need to vent (like I did five minutes ago) and for the children when they need him. It is amazing to see how far we have come, how much love he and the children share, and to know what wonderful things the future holds for us. I never thought I would be able to pull myself out of the place of little hope and misery that I was living in but I did. I know there was no way I could have done it without my family, friends, and their love. It was the best gift that I have ever received.